been thinkg of couple of things

1)idea 4 both cathartic n entertaining - as well as interactive
post - to make up a list of my most dear memories

2) to pontificate on my choices 4 my life, particularly
that pertaining to career

About no.2 - even by phrasing it as such,
i subscribe to the idea that "career"
makes up a only part of that thing called "life".

While tt is true, by constantly reiterating such
a perspective, we also imbibe the idea that
maybe career isnt someth tt is necessarily
"living life" or an enjoyable part etc; and
that there is a portion of "life" apart from
career that we reserve for ourselves -e.g.
lesiure etc.

Right now, i am in the process of believing in the
idea that we can choose how to live,
(except for those of us whose circumstance
dicates certain priorities -e.g. money)
and that we can choose a career that
resonates with who we are.

I guess all of us, even without thinking,
do live this choice out - by dropping
and changing jobs later on in life
without all this time-wasting philosophising...

Wat i want, hope to do is to decide how
i want to live 4 nw - i dont want to
get a job bcoz its wat we're supposed to do-
altho this is a necessity yes.
But i admit the pressure to "just get a job"
is there... and ironicaly, waiting doesnt
reali help my situation...

wt 2 doz...
scary thots ...
strange nw tt RIGHT nw, it seems
alooot less scary 2 just apply
at any stat board... rather than
chooose someth tt i just Might
b "passionate" about... Someth
tt would b HOW i choose 2 live.

Truly a career rather than a job

***

Hmm mebe i should hv taken Jap studies after all...
yes yes thats all in the past...
sometimes cant help nostalgia-ing u noe...

weird man...
i mean.. i reali enjoyed studyin my jap mods...
i mean i enjoyed studing in Uni man...
JC too but didn reali STUDY then...

how have i cahnged fr yr 1 til nw?
21-25 yrs- numerically not a whole lot of diff
but 21 stil (souns young)
25 (starting to soun "oldd" - altho
u start workin course ur the runt then)
but then 4 some jobs.... like someth
i thinkg of nw -e.g. cooking ... ?
nt many ppl start dishwashing at 25 u noe..?
at least i think nt many do...
dun give u too many years to TRY...
wt if u wake up at 27 - n ur still
a bloody (assistant kind of thing)
earning 1.2K a month?
die rite?

how?
Nw i dun need the money -
but wt when im 30 -
n every1 is in the PRIME,
earning 3plus, 4K probably...
comfortable at least -
or prob worrying abt (aiya flat, car
pay 1-2K everymonth hw 2 survive etc.)
and then at tt time parents be
pushing 60... retirement looms...
then hw? i pretty sure their CPF
nt much cash...
n their prob gng 2 live quite a while
...
if i start fr scratch then - did i not
give it enuff commitment -
if i do - wt do i do... ?
30 yrs old wif no executive experience..?
altho by then prob can do restaurant mgt-
which mite nt b bad thing heh...
Yes yes im thinkg too much 2 far in the future
when i havent even sent out 1 bloody resume....

but it starts fr tt resume rite?
fr choosign WHERE u want 2 send
which doors u wan 2 knock

in a way this like the "selfish" option...
but then i have a choice
unlike frens who Dun have much of one -
i had one church fren who told me v simply-
his heart calls to social work - but
he went 2 teaching cos of higher pay-
i guess at least it nt Tooo much of a stretch...

ok ive ranted enuff 4 nw...

***

About the memories list- il try 2 start one nw...
i thot abt it on the bus a while back but 4 got..
these things need Mood man..
lesse if i remember...

1. (thot of 1 but shant showhaha -sunglasses beach)
2. (meetg church some1)
3. Waking up at 630pm after wuz sick to watch NDP many years ago...
defn nt in the remembering mood...
4. working on AEP project - giant chessboard wif clay chess pieces
5. taking photographs of the night sky in sec 1, walkin wif v reputed
seniors then too... [super sportsmen/artists/10A1s at Olevels]
6. tailor-making my sec 1 BB uniform
7. crying after my sec3/4 BB bible quiz lost... my fault mah sorta
8. gettin beat up abit in pri 3 after super-soaking a stranger who
asked to play
9. 20c icecream uncle outside sch
10. i speak english name tag heh
11. suddenli realising my pri 5 girl classmate became quite chio haha
12. self-organised eating competition wif fren in pri 4-5
13. once spent 6.40 at recess in sec sch
Hmm these nt exactly wt i wass thinkg of on the bus
not so treasured some of these... but stil interesting la
14. finding a kitty on way home in kindergarden
15. burying my dead terrapins at my block 104 bedok north downstairs
16. "surfin on the sch bus home" - waiting for hump then jump at back of bus
- k these are More like it...

we are a collection of memories arent we?
n this makes us unique....
even if we have a clone wif exact fingerprint- a la "the Island"
...
js thinkg - if b one of most scary things if we dun hv memories
- was tryin 4 a sec last time to
Think like I DUN HV memories-
like Guy Pierce in Memento (friggin gd show)
i think we might b better off
in a sense - cos we wont hv learnt
all the wrong things we learnt
like.... certain fears we learnt?
e.g. young time kena hurt by frens so
we learn distrust - someth like tt?
so we mite accherli b more "pure"
more like our original selves...?

But then - we can never grow...
if we dun hv memories- reali
onli living in the present -
mebe theres no reason to live then? mebe

wa rant 2 much liao okok...